Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
