GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
You're like the curious george of whores
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Randomize
