WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
