He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Randomize
