That's intense
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
