I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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