He uses pillows to masturbate.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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