I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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