I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
