fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
