When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
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