So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
