I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I stole a fireplace last night.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
You are the jesus of drinking
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
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