Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
