I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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