Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
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