I think I died a long time ago.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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