the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
