dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
