Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
