It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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