dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
