yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
