I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
