Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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