if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
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