do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy�
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
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