i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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