if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
