That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
All the doctor said was why
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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