Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
