I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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