I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I have peed in a lot of sinks
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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