____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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