Cold hands, warm shart.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Randomize
