i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
how does that bad decision feel?
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
