Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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