some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
