if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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