drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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