So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Randomize
