My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Randomize
