so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize
