Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
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