woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
