Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
