just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
