and you said cock pushups were impossible
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
