will power is for people who don't want to get laid
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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