Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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