Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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