those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
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