she was so not down for the gang bang
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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