Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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